رَبَّنَا ظَلَمْنَا أَنفُسَنَا وَإِن لَّمْ تَغْفِرْ لَنَا وَتَرْحَمْنَا لَنَكُونَنَّ مِنَ الْخَاسِرِين
"Our Lord! We have wronged our own souls: If thou forgive us not and bestow not upon us Thy Mercy, we shall certainly be lost." (Quran 7:23)
....semasa sedang asyik termenung..saya teringatkan kepada seorang kawan saya yang saya kenali suatu ketika dahulu..beliau seorang yang sangat suka kepada Islam dan antara pendokong agama yang kuat...saya pernah berkeinginan untuk menjadi seperti dia suatu ketika dahulu..setiap perkara yang dia lakukan cukup terkesan kepada saya..entah mengapa tetiba saya sedar mata saya sudah berair..semakin berat takungannya saya rasakan..
sahabat yang saya sayangi ini akhirnya tumpas hanya kerana seorang wanita..kerana wanita inilah dia mulai berjinak-jinak dengan seks dan lama-kelamaan dia mencuba arak dan berlangsunganlah episod-episod duka yang tak mampu saya ceritakan lagi di sini..ini bukannya cerekarama sepertimana mudahnya pelakon yang melakonkan watak jahat kemudiannya menjadi seorang yang baik dalam masa 30 minit...saya tidak tahu apakah kisah hidupnya yang sarat dengan maksiat sudah berakhir atau tidak..anggaplah saya sentiasa bersangka baik dengan dirinya..saya harap dia sudah berubah..namun, sekiranya dia membaca tulisan saya pada kali ini..saya harap dia faham dan mengerti betapa saya sangat menyayangi dirinya dan tidak mahu dia terjun dan berselimutkan palitan-palitan dosa yang hanya Allah sahaja yang mampu mengampuni dirinya...andaikata dengan perkahwinanlah mampu menghabiskan noktah hitam hidupnya..saya sudi untuk pulang ke Malaysia untuk menghadiri majlis perkahwinan tersebut...namun sekiranya belum bersedia...jangan lah bermuram kerana pintu taubat Allah itu Maha Luas...
sebelum tu...saya akan tulis artikel ini di dalam bahasa inggeris agar sahabat-sahabat non-muslim juga mampu memahami apakah itu perkahwinan di sisi Islam dan kepentingannya...saya sudah rojak-rojakkan article saya yang sebelum ini dengan yang baru..sedikit copy paste dilakukan...
MARRIAGE IN ISLAM
"Oh young men! Whoever is capable (to afford the expenses) of marriage, let him do so. (Marriage) helps one control his eyesight and chastise his private parts. But, he who can't afford the marriage expenses, let him observe fast as it would (act) as a protector for him...."
(saheeh - Al-Bukhari and Muslim)
..before i prolong my article..i have to mention here...there's no "couple islami" before marriage as we found so many couples declare this relationship based on "islam"..for the purpose of what ya akhi wa ukhti?..to islamize your relationship..?..you should islamize yourself and follow the rules laid by Islam...sorry to say here, i do not believe in cinta anta-anti...here is my principle..before, yes...till now, no..!
ok..shall we start?
....everyboy knows Islam considers marriage as a solemn family relationship between a man and a woman, based on mercy, love and tranquility..a successful marriage doesn't just happen. It's not simply a matter of luck or finding the right person. It takes hard work and determination. ...everybody in this world has natural tendency; to love someone and to be loved..this natural instinct has to be guided to the right direction..marriage is one of the prophet's sunnah and Rasulullah SAW said whoever disregards this sunnah is not from his path and from "us"...
Narrated Anas bin Malik:
A group of three men came to the houses of the wives of the Prophet asking how the Prophet worshipped (Allah), and when they were informed about that, they considered their worship insufficient and said, "Where are we from the Prophet as his past and future sins have been forgiven." Then one of them said, "I will offer the prayer throughout the night forever." The other said, "I will fast throughout the year and will not break my fast." The third said, "I will keep away from the women and will not marry forever." Allah's Apostle came to them and said, "Are you the same people who said so-and-so? By Allah, I am more submissive to Allah and more afraid of Him than you; yet I fast and break my fast, I do sleep and I also marry women. So he who does not follow my tradition in religion, is not from me (not one of my followers)...."
(saheeh - Imam Al-Bukhari - Book 62, Volume 7, No. 1)
.......basically, Islam has attached great importance to the question of marriage in its social system..securing a comfortable atmosphere for a husband and wife is the main objective of marriage..besides, Islam shows us how to produce a new generation of faithful and healthy children..since good family is the nucleus of the whole islamic society, our prophet SAW considered marriage as half of the religion because it shield us from zina(fornication) ; having sexual desires of the same gender or opposite, and adultery etc..as i said before, marriage being a lawful response to the basic biological instinct to have sexual intercourse and to procreate islamic offsprings..through the right way..besides, the purpose of marriage is to allow the spouses interested in having relationship to network with each other....it is also a mecanism for giving and getting ideas, telling stories or making new friends...marriage is a medium to talk, to clarify your thinking/positions, and to have interesting discussions about your partners etc...
We were with the Prophet while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Apostle said, "......O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing illegal sexual intercourse etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power....."
(saheeh - Imam Al-Bukhari - Book 62, Volume 7, No. 4)
.....if someone does not possess the means to maintain his wife and children or if he suffers from an illness, serious enough to affect his wife and progeny, for him, the marriage is totally prohibited..this was the opinion of Al-Imam Abu Hanifah and his school of teachings..but, if he is very sure that he may be tempted to commit fornication, marriage is compulsary to him..but, it is okay if he feels that he has very strong to control himself from commiting fornication...If you are thinking about getting married, make sure you are getting married for the right reason..
......the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) urged the one who wants to get married to look at the woman. It was narrated from al-Mugheerah ibn Shu’bah that he proposed marriage to a woman, and the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Go and look at her, because that is more likely to create love between you....” (Narrated by al-Tirmizi, 1087 ; classed as hasan by al-Nasaa’i, no. 3235)
Islam urges marriage seekers to select a long lasting relationship, establish a beloved, and caring family, which should serve the society. All these conditions would not be fulfilled unless there is a pious and righteous wife...marrying young partner is one of the sunnah..
Narrated Jabir bin Abdullah:
While we were returning from a Ghazwa (Holy Battle) with the Prophet, I started driving my camel fast, as it was a lazy camel A rider came behind me and pricked my camel with a spear he had with him, and then my camel started running as fast as the best camel you may see. Behold! The rider was the Prophet himself. He said, 'What makes you in such a hurry?" I replied, I am newly married " He said, "Did you marry a virgin or a matron? I replied, "A matron." He said, "Why didn't you marry a young girl so that you may play with her and she with you?" When we were about to enter (Medina), the Prophet said, "Wait so that you may enter (Medina) at night so that the lady of unkempt hair may comb her hair and the one whose husband has been absent may shave her pubic region....."
(saheeh - Book 62, Volume 7, No. 17)
Jabir b. 'Abdullah r.a reported: I married a woman during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (may peace be. upon him). I met the Apostle of Allah (may peace be upon him), whereupon he said: Jabir, have you married? I said: Yes. He said: A virgin or one previously marrried? I said: With due previously married, whereupon he said: Why did you not marry a virgin with whom you could sport? I said: Allah's Messenger, I have sisters; I was afraid that she might intervene between me and them, whereupon he said: Well and good, if it is so. A woman is married for four reasons, for her religion, her property, her status, her beauty, so you should choose one with religion. May your hands cleave to dust..."
(saheeh-Imam Muslim, Chapter 36: EXCELLENCE OF MARRYING A VIRGIN, Book 8, No. 3458)
..SYAITAN WILL ALWAYS BE THE 3RD
If a man feels some attraction towards a woman whom it is permissible for him to marry her, and vice versa, there is no answer to the problem except marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “We do not think that there is anything better for those who love one another than marriage....”
(Ibn Maajah, 1847; classed as saheeh by al-Busayri and by Syeikh al-Albani in his al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, no. 624)
....if that marriage comes about as a result of an illicit love relationship, such as when they meet and are alone together and kiss one another, and other haraam actions, then it will never be stable, because they committed actions that go against sharee’ah and because they have built their lives on things that will have the effect of reducing blessings and support from Allah, for sin is a major factor in reducing blessings, even though some people think, because of the Syaitan’s whispers, that falling in love and doing haram deeds makes marriage stronger..
...if you walk along the KLCC street..you can easily see many "butterflies" here and there..kissing each others...chatting freely about all this and that and talking on something useless and having inappropriate talk..they realize they are transgressing the limits set by Allah but...desires must come first..A perfect system is laid down by Allah to maintain and preserve the honor, dignity, and respect of man...
Islam bans adultery and all types of fornication labeling it as one of the major sins in Islam. In fact, Islam bans all acts and means that may lead one to commit adultery or fornication. Sayyid Qutub illuminated in his book In the Shade of Quran:
" Islam aims at eliminating all forms of pure animalistic sexual behavior. Islam wishes to help establish a proper home and a caring family resulting of the proper and lawful sexual relationship. Islam does not tolerate a mere sexual relationship that makes the human being very much like an animal, which is driven only by his mere sex for mating and reproduction. Islam erects a loving and caring relationship between two hearts and bodies of two human beings who live together and have the same hopes and common ground life. The proper "marriage nest" that is built on such basis would house the new generation under the custody, care, and guardianship of both Muslim parents. Hence, Islam instituted very strict and severe punishment for adultery and fornication. Islam considers adultery as animalistic behavior that abolishes all human manners and principles. If a person is merely interested and concerned to satisfy his sexual desires, he would turn into an animal in the shape and body of a human being. Such a person may not be trusted for being in charge of the prosperity on earth. In fact, there is no real emotional satisfaction of the mere sexual relationship. Emotional relationship is a continuous, everlasting, and caring one. It is not, in reality, what is categorized to be in terms of a short-term materialistic love as a response for the bodily attractions only, although some people may shed so many emotional characteristics on it. Islam does not, at all, fight, or stand in the way of the normal human behavior, but rather controls it, organizes it, purifies it, and elevates it above the level of the animalistic behavior. Islam promotes the human sexuality or lust to become the core of the personal morals, social attitudes, and relationships. As for adultery and fornication, and more precisely prostitution, one feels that it is, in reality, empty of all these feelings, emotions, and sense of belonging and relationship. Islam looks at prostitution as one of the lowest ill acts of a human society. Such a poor practice makes man below the level of animals in attitudes and behavior. In fact, there are many animals who live a decent and organized social life, away from the mess and confusion that prostitution creates in some human societies....."
(In the Shade of Quran, Sayyid Qutub)
one of my friend asked me : ".....my fiance and I want to go out, having dinner together before we get married. Do we have to keep it a secret....we dont want anybody knows this precious night..."....unfortunately, many couples want to reaffirm their love for one another by commiting fornication..many couples throughout the ages have had secret sexual intercourse..ya Allah..saya berlepas diri daripada semua ini setelah saya nasihatkan mereka...
LONG DISTANCE MARRIAGE
..i questioned my mom several times because i didn't believe in long distance marriage before....here were the words coming from her mouth...
"..There are days when we're lonely...there are moments when we long for a touch instead of a call....still, the bond endures....whether separated by an ocean or an outlook, the shortest distance between two hearts, we say, is love...but, the love must be created in halal way..which means...nikah..no love before nikah.." - ummi
..my sis was praying..irbid, jordan...sekadar hiasan..
...huh..?!...but the reality is there...long distance marriage means couples who manage relationships although living apart..my confident grows greater and greater while looking at pakcik makcik dakwah who may overcome those challenges and perhaps hurdle an even greater obstacles..promising to myself, someday i will look for someone who live apart from me...but it is not the right time for me to have someone in my life...dakwah must come first...1st partner - dakwah...say : sorry dear..your are the 2nd..say it brothers.!..but, Rasulullah SAW advised us not to be away from the spouse..it may harm your relationship..if you believe in your partner, its ok..insyaAllah..HE knows better..
PROHIBITION OF ONE" S MAKING THE PROPOSAL OF MARRIAGE WHEN IT HAS ALREADY BEEN MADE BY ONE'S BROTHER UNTIL HE PERMITS OR GIVES HER UP
Ibn Umar r.a reported Rasulullah SAW as having said this: "...None amongst you should outbid another in a transaction, nor should he make proposals of marriage upon the proposal made by someone else..."
(saheeh - Imam Muslim, Book 8, No. 3286)
....no one should make a proposal of marriage which his brother has already made until he permits it...and no woman should ask for the divorce of another (co-wife) in order to deprive her of what belongs to her....a person should not enter into a transaction when his brother (had already entered into but not finalised)..this are the rules which Islam and Rasulullah SAW taught us..As Rasulullah SAW said a believer is a brother of another believers..its now a lawful to a muslim brother to outbid his brother...
FUTURE HUSBAND...your wife is your sister in Islam too!
...too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses....husband should always remember that his wife is also another sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general sisterhood of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship....obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles
..to all husbands, I advise you to take care of your wife for they were created from ribs..Imam Bukhari has narrated in an authentic hadeeth which explained that the most crooked portion of the rib is its upper part...if we try to straighten the rib, it will break, and if we leave it, it will remain crooked, so I urge you to take care of them...and, i hope that all of you will be the kindest person to them as Rasulullah SAW said to us that among the believers who show most perfect faith are those who has the best disposition and kindest to the families..this hadeeth was narrated by Al-Imam Bukhari rahimahullah taala..live with them in kindness..and even if you dislike them..perhaps you dislike something in which Allah has place much good..believe me..
One of the sahabah asked Rasulullah SAW, which read as follows : “...What is the right of the wife? Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is reported to have said: To feed her if you eat, clothe her if you clothe yourself, don't slap her on the face, don't be nasty to her and don't be away from her [physically] except while both of you are at the same house....”
(narrated by Imam Ahmad)
FUTURE WIVES and kak sue...
'Abdullah b. Amr reported Rasulullah SAW as saying: "...The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman..."(saheeh - Imam Muslim, Chapter 37: THE GOOD OF THIS WORLD IS THE PIOUS WOMAN, book 8, No. 3465)
Narrated Abu Hurairah:
The Prophet said, "A woman should not fast (optional fasts) except with her husband's permission if he is at home (staying with her)..."
(saheeh - Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, No. 120)
Narrated Abu Hurairah:
The Prophet said, "If a man Invites his wife to sleep with him and she refuses to come to him, then the angels send their curses on her till morning....." (saheeh - Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, No. 121)
Narrated Abu Hurairah:
Allah's Apostle said, "...It is not lawful for a lady to fast (Nawafil) without the permission of her husband when he is at home; and she should not allow anyone to enter his house except with his permission; and if she spends of his wealth (on charitable purposes) without being ordered by him, he will get half of the reward...."
(saheeh - Al-Bukhari, Volume 7, Book 62, Number 123)
p/s : i won't comment on this..think about it seriously if you are good muslimah and brilliant future wives..be serious on this..
to end my article....here i put some advices from syeikh nasiruddin al-albani to anyone who wants to get married..let us get some benefits from his meaningful words...."....The husband should, at the time of consummating the marriage with his wife or before that, place his hand on the front part of her head, mention the name of Allah Most High, and pray for Allah's blessings. As in the statement of the Prophet : "When any of you marries a woman ... he should hold her forelock, mention Allah Most High, and pray for His blessings saying: "O Allaah, I ask You for the good in her and the good with which You have created her, and I seek refuge in You from the evil in her and the evil with which You have created her..."
(Abu Daud and others narrators..Al-Bukhari in Af'aalul-'Ibaad, Abu Daud, Ibn Majah, al-Hakim, al-Baihaqy and Abu Ya'la with hasan isnaad)
It is desirable, when one goes into his wife on his wedding night, to show her kindness, such as presenting her with something to drink, etc. This is found in the hadith narrated by Asmaa' bint Yazid ibn As-Sakan who said: "I beautified 'Aishah for Allah's Messenger , then called him to come to see her unveiled. He came, sat next to her, and brought a large cup of milk from which he drank. Then, he offered it to 'A'ishah, but she lowered her head and felt shy. I scolded her and said to her: "Take from the hand of the Prophet ." She then took it and drank some. Then, the Prophet said to her, "Give some to your companion." At that point, I said: "O Messenger of Allaah, rather take it yourself and drink, and then give it to me from your hand." He took it, drank some, and then offered it to me. I sat down and put it on my kness. Then, I began rotating it and following it with my lips in order that I might hit the spot from which the Prophet had drunk. Then, the Prophet said about some women who were there with me: "Give them some." But, they said: "We don't want it." (ie. we are not hungry). The Prophet said: "Do not combine hunger and fibbing...!"
(Ahmad and al-Humaidi. Ahmad reports it with 2 isnaads - one of which supports the other, and it is supported...)
..nikah connecting people..
Dr. Nik Mohd Abduh B. Nik Mhd Nor
Faculty of Medicine - Egypt
"..menangislah atas sikap keras kita...."